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The month of October 2018 was the most heartbreaking and grief stricken month I have ever experienced. From losing our first baby to watching my mom in the hospital fighting liver failure, I am reminded of the importance of taking time to grieve and taking moments for self-care.

I have definitely been through my share of grief through the past 31 years, but this has by far been the most challenging and heartbreaking. So, how does someone deal with grief?


Take time off work, say no to extra curricular activities, change into your pjs, and get cozy. For me the tears flew easily for almost a week straight. If you don’t cry, that is fine too, you can grieve without tears. It is important to sit in the stillness and let yourself be within the pain. Journal, talk to your partner or friend. Make space to be within the grief and start to process and in processing starting on the path to healing.

Eat food that comforts you, spend time with those who comfort and support you. Don’t feel obligated to do anything. This is time for you to do all the things that you enjoy and none of the things that you don’t.


I found it easier to tell people about what was happening with my mom, and some people were only told that half of the story. It was far too painful to tell people of my miscarriage when I hadn’t even told them that I had been pregnant. And any time I even thought of speaking the words “I had a miscarriage” I would immediately tear up.

It’s important that people around you know what is going on so they can support you, even if that support is simply not talking to you about it. But your friends and family won’t know how to support you unless you tell them what is going on and what you need.

My husband has been my rock through this whole ordeal and the miscarriage hit him hard too. I am trying to make sure that he is taking the time he needs to heal and process. We have been grieving independently as my mom going into the hospital happened at the same time as the miscarriage and we didn’t have much time together to sit and cry, grieve, process or start to heal. It has been important to both of us that we continue to communicate how we are feeling, good or bad and listen to each other.


Right now, self-care has been in the form of naps, good food, good company, and open communication. My amazing hubby was planning on treating us to a couple’s massage before my mom was admitted to the hospital. I hope we can do that in the future.

We are also looking into planning a small vacation in the start of the new year to get away and maybe to hit the “refresh button”. A re-focus on exercise and better eating is in the cards too. And although any immediate planning is unavailable we are planning to plan things for the future. Plans that give us something to look forward to, a light at the end of this dark, dreary tunnel.


Grief hits people differently. Don’t base your healing time on what others tell you it should be. If you need more or less time, take the time that YOU need to grieve. This is your process and your life. There is not set criteria for grieving: how it should be done or how long it will take.

If you feel that your grief is affecting you for too long or too much and YOU are unsatisfied with YOUR healing process, it may be beneficial to seek the assistance of a counsellor. They may help you find another way to process the grief that allows you the opportunity to begin to heal and process the grief in a way that serves you.

How do you process grief? Please share in the comments!

Light & Love
<3 ash

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